TEARS AND FEARS

It's been a day of first, surprises and then tears... lot's of tears.

This morning, I had an appointment with my oncologist. I was in a great mood (have been ever since I received the results from my surgeon) and figured I was in for a simple and routine meeting with this doctor. So routine that Don didn't need to go with me. I was by myself.

To put this as simply as I can, I missed the key word, "invasive" when my surgeon gave me my pathology results. I probably heard it but thought "micro-invasion" because we've talked about that aspect of DCIS a couple of times leading up to my surgery.

So my "non-invasive" cancer (stage 0) is now an "invasive" cancer (stage 1). Not only is it invasive, but it is characterized with a protein known as HER2+. This pesky protein is very aggressive in promoting cancer cells in the body.

My oncologist had to break all of this to me along with the fact that I would have to undergo chemotherapy to kill off any micro metastasis. I also need to have several tests to make sure there are no macro metastasis - in other words, that the cancer hasn't already spread somewhere else in my body.

It was hard news to hear. It was even harder to share that news with my husband, daughter, and son (which had to be done over the phone) as well as my extended family. As I write this, I'm cried out. I've given you the facts but I can't write the emotion. It's too raw. It's too scary.