A few days have passed now since I received the crushing news that my cancer is more advanced and I will have to undergo chemotherapy. I've had some time to take it all in and process it, as much as one can dealing with what's been put on my plate. It's still hard to get out into words all that I'm feeling. This roller coaster ride definitely took it's lowest dip as of date.
Chemotherapy scares the heck out of me. I don't want to be sick for a year - okay, maybe that won't happen. I don't want to lose my hair - yes, this will happen. I don't have to constantly be monitoring my health and managing side effects - to what degree, we'll have to wait and see. Although this isn't what I want, it's what I have, and I plan to make the most of it and not let it beat me down.
I also worry some about the small threat that the cancer might return some day. Cancer is now an issue that I will live with for the rest of my life. And I hate how this has to affect my immediate and extended family. I don't want them to worry about me or what the future might hold.
But as much sadness, anxiety, and worry I might be experiencing, I also feel very positive and hopeful. Remember, I'm an optimistic person and I choose to see the good in my life, the lessons God is and will be teaching me, and the love that extends to me from so many different directions. God is good and I am very blessed - cancer and all.
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